I Don’t Cry Much Anymore

My womanhood thus far has been roses and scorn,

full of the trials of not-texting-back and

the chalky taste of multivitamins and not fitting in.


“I am …”, I thought at ten, “… a shy girl,”

that’s me, “a shy girl who likes animals.”


And now I’m not sure if I like men.

Or this* man,

or graduating early,

or getting too thin.


I was taught the subtle art of

arched back, chin up,

one eye on the rear-view kids,

one eye along the road ahead;

trained in graceful knuckles run across

a loved one’s head.

I’m an expert in quiet frustration,

in keeping it in.

And I stopped believing in pain

when my mother caved in.


I learnt to worry at the door,

and on the phone,

and in the car.

I learnt the colors of the rainbow

on my knuckles.

I learnt the value of


but most of all

I learnt that


is spread much too thin.